Activity therapist

December 30, 2011

Had a discussion with the activity therapist this morning. When she talked, she kept using a lot more words than necessary, which caused me to zone out at times. I told her that I don’t really feel like adding a new activity to my life. She replied that even if I don’t feel like it, I should do something new, because it would bring more meaning to my life. I don’t really want meaning in my life. Having meaning in my life means that I have to make an effort and I’m not going to go on that road anymore.

I am permitted to go outside for a few hours in the day. I usually tell the staff I’m going for a walk, when I’m actually going to a coffee shop for a latte and read today’s papers. It’s not that it’s not allowed, but I don’t want to hear about how I should move more. The therapist said that when I’m having a walk, I should stop at times, close my mp3 player and take notice of my surroundings. She said I should count how many trees I see, look for round shapes or do something else like that. How something like that is supposed to help me? I have no clue.

One good thing that has happened, is that the doctor has doubled my evening meds. I slept better last night, even though I still kept waking up at times. I’ve already taken the meds for tonight and I’m feeling pretty high right now. It’s weird how, despite feeling really good at this moment, if I could get one wish right now, it would still be to have never have existed.